Life lock
There are roadblocks and life locks. I just thought of this today and it makes me sad that we humans are so fragile, tender and vulnerable--we were never designed to be physically immortal.
Roadblocks are those things to drive around, select new routes, blast through etc.
Life though, has some things that must be endured, that are set, such as birth, death, disease. Such as HIV, or Sleeplessness, or a lower salary than we would love to have, or a new job where things are easier and less complicated. I was just reading about the work-more economy where organizations ask employees to work more for the same or even lower salary. When I say work more, I mean more hours and greater responsibilities.
It can feel crushing, as bad as a diagnosis of a lingering lifelong chronic medical condition. And that's what makes me sad. It's that all human beings have something that lingers and sometimes grows within that gets in the way of a fully blossomed life.
I know I have HIV, and a chronic anger issue, a defiance of authority and a real challenge around getting my own way in my relationships. I know that. And I am thankful for my spiritual progress in understanding and managing my chronic conditions--I'm learning it's part of being a grown up, period. It's certainly part of being a gay, Black, HIV+ lover, man, brother, son, co-worker. And it is challenging, and so worthwhile.
Life lock is the path that I'm presented. My lot in life. And I either embrace it, or I live in fantasy and hurt myself and others when reality comes zooming into focus and clashes with the illusion I create around my life as a substitute to really living. So one day at a time, I choose to bring myself to look at my life as it is. And to accept it as it is now. I can ask for what I desire, and take actions towards visions for something different. It all starts though, with an acceptance of what is here now.
I love my boyfriend. He loves me. And we've decided to keep going forward, day by day, in this journey of loving, healing, partnership while being aware of and accepting of our human frailty and limitations. I'm incredibly blessed.
Roadblocks are those things to drive around, select new routes, blast through etc.
Life though, has some things that must be endured, that are set, such as birth, death, disease. Such as HIV, or Sleeplessness, or a lower salary than we would love to have, or a new job where things are easier and less complicated. I was just reading about the work-more economy where organizations ask employees to work more for the same or even lower salary. When I say work more, I mean more hours and greater responsibilities.
It can feel crushing, as bad as a diagnosis of a lingering lifelong chronic medical condition. And that's what makes me sad. It's that all human beings have something that lingers and sometimes grows within that gets in the way of a fully blossomed life.
I know I have HIV, and a chronic anger issue, a defiance of authority and a real challenge around getting my own way in my relationships. I know that. And I am thankful for my spiritual progress in understanding and managing my chronic conditions--I'm learning it's part of being a grown up, period. It's certainly part of being a gay, Black, HIV+ lover, man, brother, son, co-worker. And it is challenging, and so worthwhile.
Life lock is the path that I'm presented. My lot in life. And I either embrace it, or I live in fantasy and hurt myself and others when reality comes zooming into focus and clashes with the illusion I create around my life as a substitute to really living. So one day at a time, I choose to bring myself to look at my life as it is. And to accept it as it is now. I can ask for what I desire, and take actions towards visions for something different. It all starts though, with an acceptance of what is here now.
I love my boyfriend. He loves me. And we've decided to keep going forward, day by day, in this journey of loving, healing, partnership while being aware of and accepting of our human frailty and limitations. I'm incredibly blessed.
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