5 Months and Counting
What's a five month gay relationship in straight terms? I have no idea. All I know is I told a mentee today to enjoy the dating process since it's got it's own excitement--e.g. "will this lead to a relationship?" It's the time when the other person is most exciting--a completely new world: unchartered territory.
After 5 months, we feel we know each other: not that there's no excitement or newness. We surprise each other still and we both know there's so much more we want to learn about each other. There's no need anymore though for long bouts of questions and answers. It's just that there's, to make a really bad analogy, less "new car" feel to the post-five months phase of a relationship. Where we'd normally have to eat at the same time when together, or do the same thing when we went into the city, or...you know...that Siamese twin thing, that's less the case now. We are starting to see each other as separate beings, rather than one fused one. And that's very good. It's ok to test the limits now, ok for us to have our own explorations even on weekends, to be with our separate friends. I can go to Broadway with my buddies and he can go to a wrestling match with his hetero-life.mate. Where we were afraid to cross any lines, scuff anything, where we treated each other as handling of rare china at first, we now allow ourselves to get bumpy and raw now and then.
The good side is that there's an ease to our connection. It's impossible to get graphic about that, so I'll keep that one thing private that we've got so comfortable doing around each other. It's something I think a lot of people do in relationship I suppose: we're really comfortable around each other being human.
There's an assumption in the air too: that we're going to do what it takes to build our connection. We're avoiding talking details about moving in together: prefering a boundary of a year for that. We're avoiding talking about marriage: although that's in the air for us both--it's just something for talking about later, giving us some space to breathe and let our relationship grow over time organically. Anything else would feel the way it must be for fruit that is force-ripened. It's filled with air and water that's artificial and untenured. Is that even a word?
Rowe was wonderful. Four days of exploration and bliss in a spiritual setting. We learned we travel well together when it comes to a long car ride. We enjoyed the journey, the crying, the meetings, the labyrinth, the meditations, the quiet times, the lightening storm, the big blue sky.
This has been the easiest connection woven with love and lovemaking that I've ever had with another man. And we're both loving it.
After 5 months, we feel we know each other: not that there's no excitement or newness. We surprise each other still and we both know there's so much more we want to learn about each other. There's no need anymore though for long bouts of questions and answers. It's just that there's, to make a really bad analogy, less "new car" feel to the post-five months phase of a relationship. Where we'd normally have to eat at the same time when together, or do the same thing when we went into the city, or...you know...that Siamese twin thing, that's less the case now. We are starting to see each other as separate beings, rather than one fused one. And that's very good. It's ok to test the limits now, ok for us to have our own explorations even on weekends, to be with our separate friends. I can go to Broadway with my buddies and he can go to a wrestling match with his hetero-life.mate. Where we were afraid to cross any lines, scuff anything, where we treated each other as handling of rare china at first, we now allow ourselves to get bumpy and raw now and then.
The good side is that there's an ease to our connection. It's impossible to get graphic about that, so I'll keep that one thing private that we've got so comfortable doing around each other. It's something I think a lot of people do in relationship I suppose: we're really comfortable around each other being human.
There's an assumption in the air too: that we're going to do what it takes to build our connection. We're avoiding talking details about moving in together: prefering a boundary of a year for that. We're avoiding talking about marriage: although that's in the air for us both--it's just something for talking about later, giving us some space to breathe and let our relationship grow over time organically. Anything else would feel the way it must be for fruit that is force-ripened. It's filled with air and water that's artificial and untenured. Is that even a word?
Rowe was wonderful. Four days of exploration and bliss in a spiritual setting. We learned we travel well together when it comes to a long car ride. We enjoyed the journey, the crying, the meetings, the labyrinth, the meditations, the quiet times, the lightening storm, the big blue sky.
This has been the easiest connection woven with love and lovemaking that I've ever had with another man. And we're both loving it.
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