Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

I'm on a new chase--a more authentic relation paradigm. I've tried to MAKE a relationship happen. I've tried to MANAGE relationships. I've pictured the future and driven blindly towards it. Now I'm learning to take it a day at a time, a date at a time. And I'm learning to identify an internal true north and use that as a guide in my actions and thoughts with the other guy. That seems to be the smartest move. I do want to get married. Deeply so. However, this push and rush towards a goal, a true north for me, is frustrating for myself and the men I date. So, easy goes, flow and tumble. I make mistakes--sometimes glaringly embarrassing ones. I try things and they blow up, or become gaffes. And I dust myself off, and carry on. This seems to work better than trying to orchestrate things. If the guy I'm seeing can tolerate my bumbles and still be interested, then that's the kind of man to carry on with dating. My biggest learning is this Sunday. I want a day off. I want to sit at home and relax. This evening I rode my bike to the local park and flew at kite at 5:35pm and watched the setting sun light up the sky with a yellow kite fluttering against a kaleidoscope blue and varied hues. And I was deliriously happy. Pedaling home as if with no cares, was as a 7 year old against time and goals and future. It was the present. And that's how I want to fall in love. Love well.